Selfless Surrender

For years, most of you have received these emails as words of encouragement, or simply thoughts to redirect your reflection back to the Lord Jesus. I do not think of myself as a teacher and neither do I look upon myself as a Bible scholar. The things I share with you are things I see or things I feel within my heart. As my youngest son once said to me, “Mom, when I read your words, I can see right into your heart.” I feel at times that both you and I need little reminders to help us to keep up the good work the Lord has called each one of us to do. Some of you have known me for many years, others are just now getting to know me and a few don’t know me personally at all. Regardless, I am thankful God has brought each and every one of you into my life so that we may walk the journey of faith together and enjoy one another as we look to the Lord.

Normally, whenever I send out something funny or light-hearted, I get a so-called “good” response. Meaning, people say kind words and I believe this is true for life in general. Laughter is good for the soul and I strongly believe Jesus did a lot of laughing with His disciples. There is, however, a time required for deep reflection. Usually, whenever I write something that is a little heavier, people are quiet and I believe that this too, is good. I want you to know that the motive of my heart is driven to help both you and myself to grow up spiritually. Just like each one of us desires for our children to be the very best they can possibly be, God has the same desire for us. Sometimes that ‘best’ requires the stripping away of some layers to get to the real issue because many of us have become very good with wearing masks to cover our real selves.

The beauty in following Christ is when you come before Him, He already knows you. I mean, He knows you. You may not know yourself as well as He does and that’s why sometimes He sends other people into your life. They are there, at times, to help you see, or to help you admit the truth of who you really are. Sometimes it’s painful to admit your flaws and shortcomings, but I believe it is at that darkest moment, where the deepest growth begins, if we are truly honest with ourselves.

I have noticed within the last 10-15 years that our society, in general, has changed quite dramatically. In my observations, I’ve seen things that were once forbidden now being openly displayed as if those things have become so normal that they are now accepted as being a part of everyday life. What, perhaps, is the most striking realization I have noticed is that this so-called new normal has produced within the hearts of many an egotistical pride. And that, my friend, is very dangerous. Dangerous to the well-being of the soul.

No one wants to hear that they are imperfect or that no matter how hard they try, they could never in a million years, ever, be good enough by their deeds alone. Western, or American society, speaks just the opposite. It says that if you work hard enough, you can become good enough. Even the mainstream church denominations have stopped talking about the sinful nature. I’m not even sure the term ‘sin’ is even spoken of any longer. The point of the matter is that we have inherently sinful desires because of our flesh and we must learn while we are here through faith in Jesus Christ, to resist it. We must understand that sin is there to teach us what happens when one becomes separated from God. Sin is not there to condemn, but rather to teach.

I know firsthand there are things that happen to people that are completely out of their control. Meaning, whatever it was that happened wasn’t their fault directly. However, there are things that do happen that are either directly or indirectly related to the decisions a person makes. In either case, whether something accidentally happens to you (although I am of the belief that nothing really ‘accidentally’ happens to anyone) or something is a result of a choice you made, what really matters is what you do with what has transpired.

There are three types of reactions, I believe, that happen:

1.       Victim Claiming

2.       Name Blaming

3.       Taking Responsibility

Victim Claiming

Victim claiming tends to lend a hand for an individual to wallow in their sorrow and talk about how awful it was for such a thing to happen. I know and understand, personally, that there are many horrible things that can happen to a person at any given time. I am not removed from such things and don’t speak from a point of view of not knowing. So it is clear, I speak from experience. Calling oneself a victim is normal at first. It is to feel violated, scared and vulnerable. To question why and to even become angry is part of being human and God understands this.

_²⁰ If I have sinned, what have I done to you, O watcher of men? Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you? Job 7:20 | NIV84

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning ² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Psalms 22:1-2 | NIV84

The inward groaning or calling out to God is part of our physiological make-up. However, after the dust has settled, in order to gain something good from what has transpired, one must look upward and inward. Most people, at this point, look upward and some throw their fist at God, after all, why didn’t God protect me or kill that evil person or not allow that accident to happen? Why? And it is good to question such things, but keep in mind, that you must not only look upward, you must also look inward. I know there will be those who will not like what I am about to say next, and for that I am sorry, but I believe this very strongly in my heart and I cannot find anything in Scripture to contradict it. 

Everything happens for a reason. Everything. In order to gain the most from whatever it is you have experienced, you must seek God with an open heart and allow Him to fully heal you. Most people will seek God externally and speak of Him as if they know Him, but inside they are playing tug-o-war with Him. He pulls at their heart and they pull away not trusting Him completely. This is a dangerous game to play with God. It’s not that He will give up on you and walk away, it’s that you will not be able to ever get past whatever it is you are struggling with. You will remain spiritually immature.

Sometimes people actually begin to find their identity in being a victim. They have found that others will shower them with pity and compassion. They may even get special treatment for extended amounts of time and they begin to like the attention. Suddenly, everything becomes about them. I know this is hard to hear, and I’m sorry. The spirit in which I write is one of deep love, but it is driven out of love for what is best for you in the long run. I speak these words because I have been there. I have played the victim and have wallowed in my sorrow and over time saw absolutely no real spiritual growth in my life for years. Playing the victim not only hurts you, but those whom you love. If you have children, it demonstrates to them that this way of life is normal when it is not. It is living a defeated life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 | NIV84

Sometimes that ‘thief’ is yourself. You allow yourself to become so comfortable with receiving compassion, pity and encouragement from others that you never really learn how to walk without the support of another person walking beside you. God did not make us to lean on others for our total support. Yes, we are to encourage one another towards a relationship with Jesus and we are there to demonstrate to those who are weaker in their faith, but ultimately, our reliance is supposed to be solely upon the LORD God. We are supposed to both demonstrate and offer hope for those of weaker faith.

¹ Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. Romans 14:1 | NIV84

¹ We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. ² Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:1-2 | NIV84

Name Blaming

Name blaming is another place where many people get stuck. If my boss … If only my spouse… If my parents… If I weren’t born poor… If I were a man… Essentially, this list is endless. What was the very first thing Adam did when God inquired him of his disobedience? He blamed Eve. And Eve was no better, she blamed the serpent.

¹¹ And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”¹² The man said, “The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”¹³ Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Genesis 3:11-13 | NIV84

The fact of the matter is, people like to point to someone else as the reason for their suffering, or more honestly, the reason for their current behavior. I understand that there are evil people who do things that deserve death, but that doesn’t excuse you from being accountable for the responsibility of your own actions and how you currently behave. Often victim claiming turns into name blaming and it all goes downhill from there. The biggest disruption in all of it is, is that a person becomes so self-consumed, that they no longer know how to function without becoming primarily self-focused. Everything becomes about them and when others do not measure up to their standard, they pull away and blame them. Soon, their relationships become scattered and broken, leaving the pieces to be picked up by others. Self-centeredness is like tire fragments on the highway left in the road for someone else to come along and pick the pieces so no one else will get hurt traveling down the same road.

Everything that Jesus did while walking on Earth was directed towards complete obedience and love towards God. His love and obedience flowed out of Him so naturally, that everything He ended up doing was for the good of others. Jesus knew and understood the reason for His life and never once lost focus on what He had been called to do. Jesus was not the only one who served others… all of the disciples ended up doing so as well through the strength and power of the Holy Spirit.

When you blame others for the struggles you face, it hinders you from spiritual maturity because even though the focus is on another person, the motive is to indirectly elevate oneself. If you blame someone else for your struggles, then surely that other person must be worst off then you. Which, if you think about it, makes the one making the claim a better person. It’s not a good place to linger, never mind walk, but people dwell here for decades and some even die here. God calls you personally to Him and when you draw near to God, you are drawing near as an individual, not as a group. That’s what it means when you’ve heard the phrase, “A personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” Finger pointing is fruitless.

Taking Responsibility

When you come before Jesus, you are called to lay down your burdens, so that He may carry them for you. Part of those burdens are letting go of the hurtful and harmful things done to you… and leaving such things at His feet. You’re not to pick them back up and use them as excuses or weapons against others. When you fully submit your life to Christ, He becomes your defender and your provider. You no longer have to strive and fight for whatever it is you need… including emotional healing. Jesus is there to bring healing to your heart so that you can learn more about Him. It’s all about dying to yourself and the removal of the independent individual thinking.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24 | NIV84

When you ask God to search your heart, you are asking Him to shine His light into the secret place that dwells within you. It is a place where only He can enter. You are, in essence, waiting for the truth to be revealed. This is never an easy place to remain. It is often painful and overwhelming. Sometimes, it is hard to hear someone tell you the truth, but in order for you to grow, sometimes it is absolutely necessary.

⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:6 | NIV84

When God reveals the secrets hidden within your heart that even you may not be aware of, it is a sacred moment because He is presenting to you an opportunity to make a deep connection with Him. It is an intimate interchange that is irreplaceable. It hurts, but it is the kind of pain that will set you free beyond anything you can imagine. God desires so very much for you to know Him because He is the perfect fit for your soul. He’s the key to the locked doors that have kept you bound. The only thing that He asks for in return, is your complete devotion. He doesn’t want a part of you, He wants all of you, and so you will need to learn how to die to yourself, but the good news is, He is here to help you do exactly that.

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25 | NIV84

³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3 | NIV84

Do you know what ‘dying to yourself’ means? In the simplest of terms, it means to become selfless. Not a selfless martyr who wallows in mistreatments or in the lack of praises you receive. Selfless as in taking the center of focus off of yourself and placing it upon God. It is taking responsibility for your own spiritual growth by surrendering your will and desires completely over to the LORD God.

If you truly desire such a thing, I offer you a warning. It will not be easy, in fact, it will be the most difficult thing you will ever face… more difficult than anything else you have ever done. It can be hard to undo years of habits that have embedded themselves so deeply within you. It is a difficult task to continue on a path that has not been previously carved, but you will not do these things alone.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalms 23:4 | NIV84

²⁶ But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. John 14:26 | NIV84

This road, should you choose to take it, will alter your life forever. You will learn what Scripture really means when it talks about being set free and running in the path of righteousness and all the joys such things will bring. The world and all of its heavy burdens will dissolve away and your heart will flood with an overwhelming sense of joy.

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 | NIV84

Jesus stands and quietly waits for you to turn to Him and truly follow Him. It takes courage, strength and determination, but the rewards are eternal. My friend, there simply is no other way to complete peace, other than letting go and letting God lead you. So, take responsibility and humbly bow before the LORD, the God of all Creation and ask Him to help you let go.